


Whimsical

by marginaliana



Category: British Comedy RPF
Genre: Baking, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 01:45:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13136556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marginaliana/pseuds/marginaliana
Summary: Lee was on Celebrity Bake Off, which meant Noel had a very good excuse for coming to stand at his elbow and be whimsical at him.





	Whimsical

**Author's Note:**

  * For [perdiccas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/perdiccas/gifts).



"So," Noel said, appearing at Lee's elbow as if he had spontaneously condensed out of the cloud of flour-filled air that filled the tent.

" _Jesus Christ_ ," said Lee, giving such a violent start that he fumbled the bowl he was holding and nearly dumped melted chocolate all over Noel's feet. In retrospect, he wished he had just let it happen. "Are you actually trying to give me a heart attack? Because if you do, that'll mean fewer pastries for you to stuff into your face. Not to mention the mess."

"If you're dead, we can make your body up to look like a gingerbread man," said Noel. "It'll be festive."

Lee turned and pointed directly into the camera. "Festive," he repeated flatly. "All I'm saying is, if there turns out to be a serial killer who leaves behind a chalk outline of icing, you know where to start looking."

"Brilliant idea," said Noel, waving an expansive hand. "They've been asking me to do _Midsomer Murders_ , you know. Suddenly I feel quite inspired."

"A match made in heaven." Lee set the bowl of chocolate down on the counter and reached for his timer – purely nerves, given that he'd checked three times to make sure it was on for the correct amount of time, but then again, this was _Bake Off_. Something was bound to go wrong. Probably something was even bound to go wrong for him in particular. He just wanted his personal disaster to be more exciting than forgetting that he had something in the oven.

"Aww, Lee, you do appreciate my talents! Don't be too bashful to admit it." The words were followed by a slurping noise; Lee looked up from the timer to see Noel unashamedly licking melted chocolate off his fingertips. 

"You are disgusting."

"I'm whimsical," Noel said, demonstrating it by weaving back and forth with his whole body like a demented butterfly. In that moment he was so perfectly _himself_ that Lee had to hide a grin.

"There's a difference between whimsy and germy," he said, aiming to sound vaguely reproachful. "A big one. Believe me, I should know. I've done enough of both, in my time."

The last sentence was a mistake, because Noel immediately said, "Oh, now, you've got to tell me some of those stories."

"No," said Lee. "What I've got to do is make this chocolate all over again, thanks to you and your grubby little fingers. You're like a child."

"I'm not!"

"You bloody well are," said Lee. "And who knows where else you've been putting those fingers? No, I've got to do it again unless you actually want Paul and Pru to die of food poisoning."

"You can re-make it while telling me stories. You know, talk and choc." He looked immensely pleased with himself for coming up with that.

" _No._ "

"Pleeeeeease?"

"Haven't you got any other poor sods to bother?" said Lee. He cast a swift glance around the room, noting Josie's increasingly-panicked adjustment of the speed on her mixer, Stephen's look of total helplessness as he stared into his oven, Jo's easy calm as she spooned chocolate into a piping bag. Sandi was looking around, too, probably trying to find a new victim – after a moment, the camera person tapped her on the shoulder and pointed at Stephen. Sandi went to him with a look on her face which Lee could only interpret as some sort of twisted vengeance, though he had no idea what for.

"You are the poorest sod currently available for bothering," said Noel, pulling Lee's attention back.

"Am I?" he said. "Because if that's true, you could be the poorest sod on the next episode of _Duck Quacks Don't Echo_. I've got this fascinating new experiment planned that involves leeches and toilets, and it could have your name all over it."

Noel blanched, then said, "You know what, I think Sandi could use some help." He gestured sharply at the camera to come with him as he fled. Lee cackled, but the joy of having bested him, even momentarily, faded when he looked down and realized that he still really had to re-make the damn chocolate, and he only had half an hour left to fill all of his profiteroles.


End file.
